Husband wife funny jokes -part1

1) After slapping wife,
    Husband says - A person only beats whom he actually loves
    Angry wife slaps him twice and says -
    Do you think I love you less!

2) Husband came home late at night from a party
    His wife shouted - how would you feel if you don't see me for 2 days?
    He couldn't believe his luck
    He replied at once - that would be great
    Monday passed & he didn't see her
    Tuesday & wednesday passed too
    On thursday the swelling was better & he could see her from the corner of his left eye

3) Women talk too much, but that's no problem for men because male ear is selective
    When a woman says -
    "This house is a mess, Honey.
    You and I need to clean this.
    Your stuff is all on the floor.
    You will be without clothes if you don't wash them now"

    The male ear only understands -
    bla,bla,bla,bla, Honey
    bla,bla,bla,bla You and I
    bla,bla,bla,bla, on the floor
    bla,bla,bla,bla, without clothes
    bla,bla,bla,bla, Now

4) Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom
    From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two
    She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can
    Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink
    As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine
    Hi darling, he says.
    Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom
    Hope you have said hello to them..!!

5) Wife to husband - did you have any girlfriend before marriage?
    Husband remains silent
    Wife - what is the meaning of being silent?
    Husband - wait, let me count

6) In a party,
    Wife - look at that guy drinking and dancing
    Husband - who is he?
    Wife - 10 years back he proposed me & I rejected him
    Husband - oh my God, he is still celebrating!

7) A husbands version - My wife is like "Terms & conditions" of a Website!
    I never understand what she says but I always accept

8) Husband and wife were sleeping on bed
    Husband had a habit to go for running every day early morning
    1 day he got up and came out of house
    He felt cold outside and he couldn't jog
    So came back to bed and laid and told her wife that its too cold today
    Wife - but that idiot still went for jogging