English funny jokes -part4

1) Funny fact -
    People don't care when they lose 1 rupee coin from their pocket
    But they feel distressed when they lose 1 rupee from their mobile

2) A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie
    So he decides to test it at dinner
    Dad - son where were you during school hours?
    Son - at school (robot slaps son)
    Son - ok I went to movie
    Dad - which one?
    Son - toy story (robot slaps son again)
    Son - ok it was day with p*** star
    Dad - what? when I was of your age, I didn't even know what p*** was (robot slaps dad)
    Mom - after all he is your son (robot slaps mom)

3) Boss to an employee - do you believe in life after death?
    Employee - certainly not! There's no proof of it
    Boss - well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral,
               he came here looking for you

4) A married lady, visited her elderly parents' home
    When she opened refrigerator, she was shocked to see inside a picture of a lovely,
    slender, perfectly built young woman in two-piece bikini
    Lady - mom, what's this?
    Mom - oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat
    Lady - is it working?
    Mom - yes and no. I've lost 8 kilos, but your dad has gained 20

5) Girls will be girls
    Girl friend giving house directions to her boy friend -
    Come to the front gate of my apartment where you drop me,
    look for flat 9A,
    you will find a lift on your right
    Hit 9 with your elbow, get out of the lift you'll find my flat on left
    Hit the doorbell with your elbow and I will get the door opened for you
    Boy friend says -
    Dear that seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?
    Girl friend - oh my god! are you coming empty handed?
    Boy friend - speechless!

6) The funny moment when at a restaurant you're asked - Would you like a table?
    "No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please"

7) What do you call the woman who smiles at you when you leave the
    house and smiles when you come back home?
    The neighbor's wife

8) During marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse?
     Its because he is given his last chance to run away

9) A message for all tall, cute & rich girls
    Whatever may be, I will always have a crush on you

10) Professor -
      I don't mind when students look at their watch during lectures
      But I get angry when they remove their watch & shake it to see if its working

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