English funny jokes -part3

1) 3 men died and went to God
    God - how many affairs you all had in your life time?
    1st - 40
    God gave him a cycle
    2nd -10
    Gave him a scooty
    3rd - I was faithful to my wife
    God gave him BMW
    After sometime they all met
    They asked 3rd man - you got a BMW & not looking happy?
    3rd - yesterday I saw my wife riding a cycle

2) Sonia Gandhi was very embarrassed & disappointed on hearing that Robert Vadra is
     worth 300 crores
    In political terms, he is much below "poverty line"

3) An intelligent wife is one who spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman

4) Cool message by a woman - dear mother-in-law, "don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."

5) A kid was beaten by his mom.
    Dad came home and asked, what happened son?
    Kid said - I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I need my own

6) In cricket,
    the first guard was used in 1874
    the first helmet was used in 1974
    It took 100 years for men to understand that brain is also important

7) What is WILLPOWER?
    It is when you see
    30 notification,
    20 girl's messages and
    10 friend requests
    and still you
    click LOGOUT and study

8) Height of being Materialistic
    A man meets with an accident with his new Ferrari
    Policemen arrives
    Man (cried) - officer! My brand new car
    Police - you're such materialistic. You even haven't noticed that your left arm has been cut off
    Man (he looks at his left arm and yells) - Oh my God! My Rolex watch

9) How much secrets are hidden in a cell phone is directly proportional to
    How quickly you snatch it back when someone takes it

10) If people commit suicide because of too many problems
      When will my Maths book commit suicide?
      It has tons of problems!