Funny jokes | Gargling

A young woman arrived to her doctor with black and blue signs of beating

Doctor - what happened?

Woman - Doctor, I do not know what to do, whenever my husband comes home drunk he beats the
hell out of me, almost killing me

Funny jokes | Homework

Teacher - where’s your homework?

Girl - Umm (looks to boy friend for help)

Boy - it was my fault ma'am. Sorry

Girl (whispers) - what r u doing?

Boy smiled & winked at her

Funny jokes | Magic sandwich

Once, a blonde went to a restaurant on the 90th floor in a tower, she saw a very handsome man

Blonde - what are you eating?

Man - I am eating the magic sandwich

Blonde - magic! what does it do?

Funny jokes | Son praying

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying -
"God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma. Ta-ta, grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying.

The next morning, they found grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack.

The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

Funny jokes | Stepping on a duck

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven - don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

English funny jokes -part5

1) Best reply ever -
    If someone says you are not looking good,
    Just say, excuse me! I am not your mirror

2) Commerce professor asks the student -
    What is the most important source of finance for starting business?
    Student - Father-in-law

Funny jokes | Divorce letter

An interesting divorce letter -

My Dear Husband, I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years and I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home and you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new night gown. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You didn't tell me you love me anymore, you didn't want s** or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your Ex-wife

Funny jokes | Types of people on facebook

Types of people on Facebook -

1) The "Rooster" - Feels that it is their job to tell Facebook "Good Morning" every day

2) The "Lurker" - Never posts or comments on your post, but reads everything,
    and might make reference to your status if they see you in public

3) The "Hyena" - Doesn't ever really say anything, just LOL's and LMAO's at everything

Hindi funny jokes -part10

1) Ek baccha bahut sari chocolates kha raha tha, tabhi ek aadmi use salah deta hain
    Aadmi - beta, itni chocolate nahi khate, theek nahi hoti
    Baccha - ek baat bolu, mere dada 105 saal ke hain
    Aadmi - achha kya wo bahut chocolate khate hain?
    Baccha - nahi
    Aadmi - tho fir?
    Baccha - ullu ke patthe wo apne kaam se kaam rakhte hain
                   teri tarah ungli baazi nahi karte

English funny jokes -part4

1) Funny fact -
    People don't care when they lose 1 rupee coin from their pocket
    But they feel distressed when they lose 1 rupee from their mobile

Hindi funny jokes -part9

1) Girls, while watching Titanic - How romantic! Awww!
    Boys, while watching Titanic - Oye! wo drawing wala scene phir se laga na

Hindi funny jokes -part8

1) Father - tumhare result ka kya hua?
    Son - headmster ka beta fail hogaya
    Father - aur tum?
    Son - doctor ka beta bhi fail hogaya
    Father - aur tumhara result kaisa aaya?
    Son - wo wakeel ka beta bhi fail ho gaya
    Father - kamine mein tera pooch raha hoon
    Son - tho aap kaunse Rajnikant ho jo aapka beta paas ho jayega?

English funny jokes -part3

1) 3 men died and went to God
    God - how many affairs you all had in your life time?
    1st - 40
    God gave him a cycle
    2nd -10
    Gave him a scooty
    3rd - I was faithful to my wife
    God gave him BMW
    After sometime they all met
    They asked 3rd man - you got a BMW & not looking happy?
    3rd - yesterday I saw my wife riding a cycle

Hindi funny jokes -part7

1) Engagement ke baad -

    Boy - Thank God! is din ka tho mein kabse intezar kar raha tha
    Girl - Tho mein jaun?
    Boy - Nahi bilkul nahi
    Girl - Do you love me?
    Boy - Haan, karta tha, kartu hoon aur karta rahunga
    Girl - Kabhi mere sath dhoka karoge?
    Boy - Nahi, isse accha tho mein mar jaun
    Girl - Kya mujhe pyaar karoge?
    Boy - Always
    Girl - Tum mujhe maroge?
    Boy - Nahi, mein aisa aadmi nahi hoon
    Girl - Kya mein tum pe vishwas kar sakti hoon?
    Boy - Yes
    Girl - Oh darling!
    aur ab marriage ke baad same joke neeche se upar pado

Hindi funny jokes -part6

1) Kid to mom - mom main kaise paida hua?
    Mom - maine ek bartan me mitti dal kar rakh di, kuch dino bad tu usme se mujhe mila
    Kid ne bhi aisa kia aur kuch dino baad usme se ek mendak nikla
    Kid(gusse me) - dil to karta hain ki sale tujhe goli maar du,
                              par kya karu, aulaad hain tu meri

2) Boy - Tum ladki hoke drink karti ho?
    Girl - Tho kya do peg ke liye gender change karwaun?

Hindi funny jokes -part5

1) Ek sardar ka radio kharab ho gaya
    Khol ke dekha tho andar ek mara hua chooha mila
    Sardar ne dekh ke bola - Ye lo, radio bajega kaise, saala singer hi mar gaya

2) Wife - Phone pe itni dhimi aawaz me kis se baat kar rahe ho?
    Husband - Bahen hai
    Wife - To fir itni dhimi aawaz me kis liye?
    Husband - Teri bahen hain isliye

Funny jokes | Divorce

A couple were driving at 70 mph down the road, husband behind the wheel.

The wife suddenly says "Honey, I know we've been married since twenty years but I want a divorce."

He says nothing but increases the speed to 80 mph.

Funny jokes | Avoiding questions

Why husbands avoid questions?

Wife - what would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband - no

Wife - why not? Don't you like being married?
Husband - of course I do

Funny jokes | Million dollar joke

Two strangers, a man and woman are seated at a dinner party together.

The man turns to the woman and says, I've got a hypothetical question for you miss.

The woman, curious, says "O.K. shoot."

Hindi funny jokes -part4

1) Mom to children : Jo meri baat manega aur mere aage kuch nahi bolega, main usko gift dungi
    Children : Lo ji is tarah tho saare gifts papa le jayenge

2) Girl friend : Baby I heard u failed in English, how is it possible ??
    Boy friend : Who TELLED you ??
    Girl friend : Bas rehne de, Main samajh gayi

Sardar funny jokes -part1

1) Santa - Why do girls look beautiful? Is it real or due to make up?
    Banta - All false. Girls look beautiful because boys have good imagination

2) Teacher - Who is a terrorist?
    Santa - Terrorist is a tourist who comes from other country to celebrate
                diwali in our country

Hindi funny jokes -part3

1) Ek murgi ne baaz se shaadi kar li
    Murga - Hum mar gaye the kya?
    Murgi - Mein tho tumse hi shaadi karna chahti thi par
                 mom-dad chahte the ladka air force me ho

2) Ladke ne kiya ladki ko touch
    Wah wah
    Imagine math kar aage padh
    Haan tho
    Ladke ne kiya ladki ko touch
    Asli masale sach sach MDH MDH

Hindi funny jokes -part2

1) Define "WIFE"
    WIFE wo hoti hain, jo tok-tok ke pati ki saari aadate badal deti hain aur ek din kehti hain
     tum pehele jaise nahi rahe

2) Ek aadmi medical shop pe - zeher do
    Dukandaar - bina parchi ke nahi mil sakta
    Aadmi ne shaadi ka card dikhaya
    Dukandar - bas pagle rulayega kya. Badi bottle du ya choti?

English funny jokes -part2

1) Son - I want to tell you something
    Dad - It's not good to talk while eating
    (after eating)
    Dad - Now tel me
    Son - There was a cockroach in your food

2) Rich man - I have 10 cars, 4 bungalows and 3 estates. That's my range.
                      What about you?
    Poor man - I have 1 son, he has 1 lover & she is your daughter. That's my range

Hindi funny jokes -part1

1) 98 year old rich man marry 18 year girl
    Media asked d girl - aapne inme shadi ke liye kya dekha?
    Girl - ek toh inki "in-come" aur doosra inke "din-come"

2) Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya
    Counter clerk asks - kuch kehna chahte ho?
    Sharabi - jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain

English funny jokes -part1

1) Question - What is the difference between men and puppies?
    Answer - Puppies grow up
    Question - What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
    Answer - Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever

2) Question - If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the
                     ground first?
    Answer - Who cares
    Question - What did God say after he created man?
    Answer - I can do better than this! And then he created woman

Funny jokes | Choking on a Coin

A man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The child is spinning a 10 pence coin in the air and catching it between his teeth.

As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.

He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

Funny jokes | Our exam woes

Every new semester
After 1st week
After 2nd week

Funny jokes | What happens when e-mail is sent to wrong id?

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.  However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Funny jokes | Scientists hide & seek

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven and then they decide to play hide-n-seek.

Unfortunately Einstein becomes the seeker. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching.

Everyone starts hiding except Newton.

Funny jokes | Essay on cow

The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow -

Funny jokes | Leave applications

This is a collection of leave applications written by people

1) Infosys, Bangalore - An employee applied for leave as follows -

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave

2) Another employee applied for half day leave as follows -

Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10-o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day
casual leave

Funny jokes | Santa singh & MBA

SANTA SINGH decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part.

One day his friend Rajiv came home.

Rajiv: Santa Singhji How is your MBA preparation?

Santa: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Funny jokes | Brainy banta

Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.

Banta Singh : Ok

Interviewer : Made in India

Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan

Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up

Funny jokes | Women are impossible to please

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. … You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.